STRUT Carnival Cooler Cruise 2023
STRUT boat ride, formally known as STRUT Carnival Cooler Cruise, took place on the Harbour Master which boarded from the C3 Marina (aka right after Peake's).
The excitement for STRUT was palpable. I and all fell for the hype. I guess because this was supposed be the mother of all carnivals I thought everyone was on the same page. However, the characters in line for ice in Peake's gas station should have tipped me off on what was about to come.
Watch meh, everyone knows that from Carnival Thursday the outfits get progressively more risqué. Normally as people hear boat ride is bikini and hot shorts but it goes up a notch for Carnival. There was plenty of top shelf eye candy for everyone no matter yuh preferences or how you identify.
We in the line to board the vessel and if you see the amount of "bam bam" and "pweffum" on display. The way some of them gyal stuff them "felines" into them bikinis I was afraid the TTSPCA might come for them for animal abuse.
Fellas, let me pause here to say that a big chest and strong arms are all well and good but friends don't let friends skip leg day. Friends also don't let friends leave home without deodorant.
As advertised, the duration of the party was 7am - 11am with boarding scheduled to start at 6:30am. As I always say, never in the history of boat rides has a boat ride ever started on time. We started boarding promptly 7:35am and didn't start sailing until 8:15am.
Once we boarded we made our way to the top of the three decks to find refuge in the shade of the covered area in the back. You could tell the seasoned boat ride goers from the novices. All them newbies gravitated to the middle of the open deck. When the sunshine hit them they started running like they about to spontaneously combust, akin to a scene from Blade. They were like "oh my God it's so hot!"...yeah b*tches...we live in a tropical country 10 degrees north of the equator but doh worry, the sun will go down in about 8 hours.
The crowd was a good mix of mainly pretty people who come to pose off sprinkled with some gremlins, gargoyles and people who looked like they believe working out for carnival is overrated. Had some men in sandals who refused to cream their ankles but das none of my business.
There was free food available but it was a trap. First off, someone handed us a veggie wrap that had chicken in it and the other food options looked wet and menacing. There was some plate thing with meat and what appeared to be mashed potatoes. I'm pretty sure there were people destroying somebody porcelain throne after that cruise.
The two main decks of the party were pumping and had vibes. Again, to me it was a "I'm so happy to be home that I taking anything" kinda vibe. The biggest crowd reactions and jump up vibes happened when 2023 big tunes were played despite what the DJs try to say about the people not knowing the new soca....and this is why I got mad.
Yes, I get that STRUT is mainly a dance for the foreign contingent that more or less now touch down eh, but to me the DJs have a responsibility to help teach the foreigners the new music. How in God's name you're gonna refer to Kes "Mental Day" as the biggest tune for the "cyanival"?? How are you going play the road march contenders 3 times in 4 hours?? DJs, if I hear "Jumbo Jet" one more time I might lose it, throw allyuh equipment on the ground and pee on it.
Big man ting, and I want allyuh tell every DJ allyuh know this, you can't be telling yuhself yuh love soca music but you're playing one setta old soca. Artistes creating songs for allyuh to play and allyuh doing this rubbish. At this rate I might hadda retire from any fete catering to foreigners. Is only ghetto fete, wet fete and big fete for me from now on.
I feel like I shoulda jump on the boat that came to pick up Travis World to take him to another fete. Then again, he probably went to play old music in Soca Heatstroke...sorry I mean Soca Brainwash.
STRUT was very disappointing. If it's one thing I does try to do on this page is help allyuh manage and spend allyuh money wisely. My advice is if you like soca music and looking for a proper dance on Carnival Saturday then look elsewhere or you might want to sit this one out.
TANA