Pon De Grass 2023
This was my first time attending this fete but from all accounts it was supposed to be the "bee's knees" or the best thing since dollar bread and blue band butter.
Parking was super easy which was surprising given that right now Trinidad is caught in a vortex of gridlock traffic brought on by all them foreigners who rent every single car available to man and none of them could drive properly.
When we got to the entrance of course you know the wife knew the lady manning the ticket collection station. Watch me, she so sick, in the 15 seconds we were at a toll booth in Florida, she make friends with the lady.
Pon De Grass is a proper house party turned backyard jam. There was the plastic floor covering like they have for concerts in the stadium (who went Color Me Bad?) but we were situated ironically...pon de wet grass. Yes, wet because it rained earlier in the day and set up like it wanted to rain whole night but didn't.
There was food on sale including all manner of wings, gyros, level types of burgers from burgerland and free doubles. Before you wet yuh underwear, the doubles was done by 7:30pm. That's not surprising since they were handing out free cannabis lollies on entry.
Speaking of which, the one thing that couldn't done in that fete was the second hand weed smoke. I telling yuh I smell about 15 different grade of razor grass. Nobody who went that fete passing a random drug test this week with the amount of second hand smoke wafting through the crowd.
Before I get too far into this review let me give you the "money shot" in yuh face, the party had NO VIBES. NONE!
Side note, last night I realized that Motto is the male Nailah. That Uber song is like nails scratching across a blackboard which is actually my ear drums.
For some reason there were two Moko Jumbie walking around the fete. Anybody else does feel to shoulder tackle their stilts and make them fall? No? Just me? Ok then.
Anyway, allyuh know I despise "My name is Patrick the Hypeman and I talks too many" from the DJ group Nuphoric and I make no apologies, but in this case I was actually glad to see him. I thought he was the right man to pump some life into this flaccid, blue pill needing, excuse for a dance.
Little did I know this party was apparently a back in times. For the 417th time I don't know what these DJs does be thinking. Like stick break in their ears or brake stick....but oh gosh lewwe get some current music nah. Why we hadda wait 10 old tunes to get 1 new tune?? Imagine we hear "Hard Fete" twice and "Jumbo Jet" about 15 times.
I told myself "self what this party needs is performances" and my prayers were answered....or so I thought. They brought on a dude I think his name was Adam O...the one who sing that tune with Salty "oh lord...oh lord, she say she never love a riddim so bad" but there was no kinda reaction from the crowd...is best he stayed at home and start the new season of YOU on Netflix.
When I lost all hope for this party being good I glimpsed the carnival vibes super hero, X-Men, dan gorgan walking through the crowd. When I see them loading a full case of 250ml Blue Waters bottles on stage I figured the vibes were about to jump off.
Sadly I was mistaken. Poor Iwer throw water pon de grass like it was a dog in heat or like it was an MP in Beetham but to no avail. Only the 7% of the crowd that was in front the stage had any real reaction. If Neil Iwer "Bottom in De Road", "Come to Meh", "Savannah", "Stage Gone Bad", "Water and Beer" (ok not that one) George cyah move your fete is best you shut down and open a tea shop.
Initially my review for this fete was titled "Pon De Grass need to go pon de garbage heap" but when I thought about it I realized I wasn't the target audience. I should have known by the fact that the party was priced in "You Ess Dee" that it was for the freshwater and dem who now touch down. UK and 'Merica' massive this is allyuh flick.
For me though this was a three in one experience with Pon De Grass...first, last and never again. Lewwe see what Farmhouse have to offer.
TANA