Soca Brunch 2024
So if meh belly was in meh hand for PINKnic it was down by meh foot for Soca Brunch. By the time I reached to U-Pick in Chaguaramas I had not eaten a proper meal in almost 48 hours. I was surviving on the calories from the gin.
Padna...we open d fete...we was there early like we come to do security sweep and walk through with fire services. Soca Brunch was scheduled to start at 2pm but it's a good thing the ambulance was parked at the entrance because I almost passed out waiting for over an hour for them to open the fete.
Parking was a breeze for us at the venue but I was told that some people who came later were told to park in Samaan Park and wait for the shuttle....that never came. I don't know how true that is but a few ladies swore they had to sit down on strangers laps in the back of a pickup to get a ride to the venue. Sounds "red gyalish" but whatever. Reminds me of the year I had to walk from Base to Samaan Park in pitch black darkness for AM Bush. Allyuh should read that review. Pure madness.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch....
When I finally got into the party I didn't care about the free sunglasses, glow sticks, head band for ladies or other trinkets, I went straight for the food. My belly was touching my spine, I'm sure yuh coulda see my abs through my gin belly. Naturally I gravitated towards the fish tacos because, well, "tacos" is thing I love to sink my face into...
Anyway....There were a whole host of food options and the lines weren't bad considering we got there early. The longest line was for a booth with one setta curry options from Freebird Restaurant. A man bawl he rather drive to Pointe a Pierre to the actual restaurant than stand in that line.
After I stopped the delirium from hunger it was time to hit the bar. I almost kicked down the Hendrick's and Glenfiddich station because the bartender told me they didn't have any gin, regardless of the lies the sign on the booth was telling. Good thing they eventually got Hendrick's yes...good thing for me, bec it have no bail on Carnival weekend.
There was coffee, Häagen-Dazs, Don Julio, Hendrick's, Glenfiddich, Jose Cuervo, Prosecco and a regular bar with Tanqueray and other drinks. Tommy's Brewery had a station giving out proper cups with handles with a choice of their seasonal beers. Good thing they were giving away cups because I don't think anybody would want to drink that swill of their own volition. Thing tasted like bottled monkey sweat. I rather drink drain water Campari. The plant I threw mine in is probably dead.
As always I hadda comment on the "birds" because...why not. Ladies allyuh come out fuh dem in this fete. Some of the outfits were fit for an Onlyfans account but I not complaining. The more flesh on display the better, I always say. There was one chick in a crochet skirt that we were taking bets if she was wearing underwear. I volunteered for that reconnaissance mission but the wife wasn't impressed
For some reason they kept having issues with the power to the stage and the music cut off twice. The second time I got so fed up of the disruption and the fact that the DJs hadn't played Bunji's Carnival Contract all night that I started singing it in acapela. The crowd around me got involved and accompanied me in a powerful and tone deaf rendition of my vote for Road March. People seemed shocked I knew all the words...like what dem feel I does be doing in my day job? (Whoever have the video post it nah).
There was a vintage car covered in flowers near the dance floor that everyone was taking pics by. While standing there someone passed behind me and all I felt was a "bress" on the back of my arm...I was like "yes bai Tana, yuh still got it"...then I turned around and realized it was a dude with a C cup. I guess it could have been worse...it could have been double Dees.
The heat was unbearable. I sweat straight through my pants legs and people had battery operated handheld fans trying to keep their "unmentionables" dry. Watch meh....allyuh better hope I doh hit the gym hard next year inno, because yuh see these hot sun fetes...anytime I fit and sexy is only netted vest and banana hammock I rocking. All fruits ripe in allyuh face. Nadia go stop singing bout market when she see "baigan" on display.
Patrick the Hypeman came on with one setta hair looking like the picture of the man above the cash registers in Pennywise. For years I thought that man owned them stores inno.
I was surprised that the only performance was from Problem Child and it seemed he was surprised he had to perform too. From what he said it seemed like he was "skinning out" in he hotel and someone asked him if he wanted a free ticket to an all-inclusive but he hadda sing a few tunes. He complain about the sound system, talk a whole bunch of nudding and then left with his big tune from last year.
Despite all the minor issues Soca Brunch was level vibes. The crowd was jamming, even the pretty, stoosh people and local celebs/influencers/wanna-be-famous-but-I-does-beg-for-comps, were wining down low. It had big flags waving and people representing from all up the islands.
A couple tequila shots later and they brought DJ Charlotte to the stage. I just have two words..."total gobar". At this point, I was told it was time to leave and to stop running and hiding from my wife. Just as well because I had to rest myself to go cause trouble in J'Ouvert.
Soca Brunch is a staple on my calendar from 19 how long...well since last year. I will definitely be back next year to rub my face up in allyuh tacos.
TANA