Fatima All (Some) Inclusive 2023
Well I in a real pickle when it comes to reviewing this fete. People will say I'm biased because I went to CIC and they will want to impute nefarious motives to anything negative I say....but yuh know what, me eh business. Plain talk bad manners, who vex lorse.
If you don't like long reviews you just need to read this one statement, Fatima need to pull up their socks and do better. Let me tell you why...
First off I had no intention of attending this fete. After seeing how my bank account watching me side eye like I forget the hardship that was the 12 weeks of January, I decided to cut back. Plus none of allyuh ain't send me no cash contributions yet. However, after Army Fete the misses get the feteing bug and suggested we go outside and sponsor a scalper child.
Parking was easy and well organized as usual. Shuttles were running frequently and even had free wifi, not that you were in it long enough to enter the super secure password of "87654321" listed on the sign. So far so good.
Clearly the scalpers were already intoxicated because one tried to sell me a ticket for $1200 at 9pm for a fete that started at 5pm and was scheduled to end at midnight. Once I stopped laughing I paid the dude $900 and proceeded inside to find any bar with gin.
Fatima stepped up their game from previous years with the decor. There were the usual booths with various types of shots and big sawatee alcohol and as usual for all-inclusives, the champagne bar had the biggest crowd. The fete even had a section on the dance floor with a glass floor that was lit with multi-colored LED lights. A nice concept except the enclosure thing they put around it was blocking everyone in the back view of the stage. I mean it didn't even make sense because it had no cover, so there was no practical use if it rained, which thankfully it didn't.
Speaking of crowd, Fatima had waay too many people for that size location. I never see so many tanties pull out their fold out hand fans to fight the heat. I swear I was in one of them long time US TV shows from the deep South... "I do declare Mr. Beauregard". I ask a Fatima man if the same man who sell tickets for the stadium in 1989 sell tickets for this fete. Like soldier decide "oh the venue could hold 3,000 lemme print 5,000 and sell 7,000".
I might be spoiled eh, but personally I don't find I should have to line up, three rows deep, trying to squeeze past people who get their drinks, to get service at the bar like if I in Soca Monarch. Worse yet at some of them food lines. Not at a so called "premium all-inclusive". I ain't dress up in my fancy shirt, tight pants and new blue shoes for that kind of "gheddo" treatment.
Ladies and gentlemen, I reached one of the two main bars at 9:05pm and was told there was no tonic water. In fact they watched me like I asked them for the blood of a white unicorn from the hills of Paramin when I asked them to check the next bar and the stock room. Zero tonic water garcon!
Ok, tonic does be scarce like Shurwayne Winchester sometimes. However, yuh see when the Guinness bar run out of Guinness that is problematic. On the plus side the bar had no Campari so I guess it balanced out.
If it was one thing they didn't lack was performers. When we parked, the quiet calm of the night was disturbed by the piercing sound of the end of Nailah and Skinny Fabulous performance. Talk about perfect timing.
The rest of the lineup included Voice, Vghn, Ding Dong, Lil Natty and Thunda (and yuh know once yuh have them fellas I happy), Allison Hinds.....let me just say Allison look sexy and thick like a Breakfast Shed tanty stew chicken sauce. Sekon Sta was liming in the crowd in a green suit looking like Santa's tallest elf. I almost asked him where his pot of gold was. Speaking of gold, the committee members had on shirts with the most hideous gold print as if Goldmember vomit on it.
Side note: It was nice to meet a loyal Tana's Log regular reader and commenter in the fete until she tried to kill me (not calling names but you know who you are). She and two other ladies decided to jam me right down until I almost lie down. It was only pride and months of doing squats training that kept me from shaming my household.
All in all, it was an ok party. I'm definitely glad I didnt pay full price. Fatima has all the ingredients to pull off a tremendous fete but they keep making the same mistakes. Every year I suggest the same things to Fatima committee members. Move the fete to the grounds where you have space to spread out like a man with "goady" in the back seat of a maxi. Give people a map of the school when they buy tickets so they know where the food is. Have more vegetarian options. Do they listen? Nope, they move just like me with my wife, I see her lips moving but I have no idea what she saying.
By the time Bunji and crew came on I had had enough. What pushed me over the edge into rage was when the bar didn't even have bottled water to give patrons when we were leaving. However, I was distracted from that madness when the wife had the brilliant idea that I should go straight from Fatima to join a married men lime at JAM Nation in O2 Park which was starting at 3am. Well padna that was a whole different scene but I go give all dem scores later.
TANA