Army Fete 2023….My Lord….Brrrt!!
Army Fete was a whole scene. Now bear with meh because this review kinda long, long like all the small talk from that Wassy woman MC (master of ceremonies not mudda c...well maybe that too). One setta blah blah blah about how she feels about things when nobody in the crowd cares. Shaddup and send on artistes!
First off, doh ask me about food or the bar because Army is not that kinda fete. It had rum and fried nonsense that's about it.This year they did have a new layout. Instead of having the stage in front President Christine yard facing south they had it in front the US Embassy facing the hills of Belmont.
From the time you entered the Savannah you knew there could be no other fete happening but Army Fete. From the bra tops and netted tights with holes to the numerous men who thought they were original and clever in their green t-shirts with the word Army on it.
When we walked in, the scrubs were on stage. The A-Team band was doing their best to make all the artistes feel relevant. First it was Jadel. I eh mean to sound a-how eh but she need to forget about singing and just come on stage, wine and come off.
Scrubs time continued with the People's Champion. I was like "Benjai still alive? Who knew?" Of course he ended his performance by removing his shirt, good thing they took him off before it went from PG-13 to TV-MA.
Then it was Mical Teja turn to come on and deal with the crowd with his big tunes. I will confess I had no idea what he looked like. Man looked more like a soca warriors player than a soca artiste.
At this point I need to mention the Army patrol passing through the fete in riot gear. I'm not any army commander eh but to me they would be more effective if they split up rather than move in a 10 man "conga line". The only thing they ain't do is start to jam each other or pull a broom stick and start to limbo.
Ola..TUN...JAY!!! OMG Olatunji mash up. For some reason he make me feel like I was high on some kinda powder...Amens or Jergens or Chilli Bibi or something. That "Engine Room" does have meh grooving and doing my best Convent girl two step social dance.
Artistes were coming to the stage fast and furious. The stage manager wasn't playing. Big artiste, small artiste, everyone was getting the same 12 mins. I feel he had them in a line warming up doing jumping jacks and mountain climbers. Who ain't ready hadda get skip until next year. As soon as he see a bead of sweat on yuh brow it's time to come off.
When Farmer Nappy run on the crowd was fully warm. I heard someone shout out "look Penny man!"...ok that was me. Farmer Nappy ras might be on its way out but the boss still relevant. I fully endorse that "Gyal Like Rain" tune.
The Soldier conga line passed again like clock work. Every 30 mins or so we saw a new platoon. It seemed like half the crowd was made up of soldiers like fillers. Them army men moving like this is their war, their soca Ukraine.
Nessa Preppy came on next to shake she "snack pack". Hear nah, I love that tone deaf sexy princess from the wilderness of East Trinidad. I just wished she could have performed her power tune with Super Blue. That woulda been kicks...I mean vibes.
Lyrikal aka the "Brooklyn Machel" had them gyal "looking back and making eye contact". Some of them run off when they feel "men contact" but they "know what they doing" inno.
Skinny showed up promptly at midnight looking very Fabulous in his gold sequin jacket. Skinny captured my mood for the fete and this review "good behavior, nothing!". I was real glad to hear him perform "Come Home" "sans Nailah". Except she run on and joined in. They two of them mash up the fete but nobody could explain to me why she stayed on the stage to sing other songs after Skinny come off??
Road March is definitely between Come Home and Hard Fete. I feel though that if I could hate the pitch of Nailah voice but still love the song so much then it definitely have the edge. This is the first year I would be indifferent between two songs winning. Of course one is going to be the victim of the old DJ "bait and switch" move where they hype up people with one song just before the stage and then switch to what they want to win Road March....bastards!
Hear nah Patrice, as my padna say, that "Like Yuhself" is a good song, in theory, until the drive home. Patrice and Machel looking to break up happy homes. You feel I could jam a thick sexy Indian from South or a cocoa butter brownin, who skin clean like she using Kandaff cream since she was six years old, whole night and not get blows when I reach home?
Some people were upset when Ricardo Drue came on but my view is that if Bunji could bring on he woman then Patrice could bring she significant other. In fact I find Nappy coulda bring on Penny (allyuh I doh know if they together eh, so doh quote meh).
By the time Trinidad Killa come on I was too sauced to hate the gun man song. I real real like he offering "Right Down". I can definitely relate having fallen face first into a drain after previous fetes in the Savannah.
That Tempa dude have a real energy and a vibe yo!. But I eh understand why she come on stage with a backpack...and not a normal backpack inno...Tempa look like she doing SEA.
To whom it may concern, could somebody please tell Ding Dong doh wear white. White makes yuh look bigger dan, your closet should look like Black Stalin own. Black or nudding! Actually not nudding because nobody wants to see that.
Neil Iwer George...what can I say. The boss have zero good songs this year, his main tune is balls, but he still mash up the fete. That Point Fortin obeah is real. Iwer start throwing 250 ml Blue Waters bottles into the crowd talking about "give them the case". However, Iwer treat us to the perfect amount of KMC, come on, sing two lines and come right back off. No kinda long talk bout nudding Ken. Iwer was the true MVP. The big man in the business even give us an off key "a capella" performance while the band was changing.
At 1:30am the stage manager gave us a lil 30 mins to catch we breath and pee on the fence behind the port a potties bec them woman take over both sets of bathrooms...as usual.
Kes do a nice tribute to soca monarch....RIP. I feel Army is the new soca monarch. Watch meh, judging from the reaction, if Kes and Iwer coulda enter "Stage Gone Bad" it would win road March again.
At 3am it was time for the Viking and team. Much like his big tune people were like "finally he on stage" but I was like that next one does really "make dem wonder" why she ain't stay home. Don't get me wrong eh, it's not that I don't like "she who shall not be named", it's just that I like Bunji more and don't like to see him stifled.
4am and it was time to go home. Army Fete as usual did not disappoint. If you're into carnival and feteing but didn't go Army or felt watching it online was better, then you not serious about this fete life. If you felt it wasn't worth paying $400 then good, stay home, we didn't miss yuh at all.
Anyhow, let me go rest up to go outside Fatima later and look for a friendly scalper...unless somebody willing to throw a comp my way...anybody? Nobody?? Ok fine, it was worth a try.
TANA