DISTRICT

Last night, after having dinner at a popular restaurant/sports bar in the West, we decided to drive around and see where the "cool" people were posing and "skinning teeth" with each other.

We decided to check out the new establishment in Wookbrook that opened up where the old Drink Bar used to be and it didn't disappoint. The place was absolutely packed. The crowd spilled on to the pavement and road in front, which isn't something new for that location. Late at night there are two things you can count on finding at that corner, plenty people blocking cars from turning the corner properly and "intellegience-led policing" aka TTPS road blocks.

Apparently we had stumbled upon an "event" created and run by the artist Che Lovelace. Yeah, it was real swanky ting, which you could tell by the crowd which included the who's whos of local society. There were prominent lawyers, bankers, business magnates, socialites, social media nonsense bloggers (that's me) and even former beauty queens (we were assaulted by one but more on that later).

The concept of the event was that they would invite a "popular" artist/DJ to tell their life story through a collection of 20 songs that they either liked or had a profound influence on them. This night it was Hyper Hoppa. I think they said they had Kes before but I could be wrong because I was drinking copious amounts of overpriced gin.

When we arrived there was a Caucasian bloke on the turntable with long blond hair in a ponytail jamming "big tunes". At least that's what they called it. I'm sorry, I can't really relate to music without lyrics. There's only so much "utz utz utz utz" I could take. I swear I was in a rave or an H&M or a store on South Beach or Club Coconuts on a Saturday night. Later on in the night the DJ dude let down his hair and looked like he was searching for a Flux Capacitor for his DeLorean (if you don't get that reference leave this page immediately!).

Anyway, Hoppy did his thing and I was actually surprised at some of his selections, the man even selected a Catelli Trinidad All Stars jam. It was quite the eclectic mix, much like the patrons. Padna, anything you wanted you could have found at that place and you know what, everyone was just cool. Everyone identified as "having a good time".

There was also plenty of eye candy for everyone. It was a very good looking party. Yes, I've been to ugly looking parties. Parties where you don't want to make eye contact with people because you might turn to stone. Parties that look like the offspring of Lil Wayne and Flavor Flav.

Now for the "assault"...

At various points in the night our good vibes kept being interrupted by someone who was clearly in intestinal distress. With each incident you could see the reactions spreading across the faces of those in the vicinity like a toxic, disgusting Mexican wave. At one point I had to go outside to seek refuge in the refreshing air of Woodbrook drain water and musty cockroaches.

When I returned I noticed there were three "qwenks" behind us seemingly unbothered by the chemical attacks, one of which was a former beauty queen. I'm not saying it was her but once they left there was no repeat of the eye watering, nose hair burning, slap in your face, pungent odor....so draw your own conclusions.

All in all, District was a nice adult, socialite, relaxed kind of lounge bar experience. The pros are the diverse crowd and the general feeling of safety. The cons are it was a bit crowded, the bar was slow, plus the aforementioned air quality issues. I would definitely return but next time I'll make sure to stay in a well ventilated spot.

TANA