BLISS Carnival Monday 2023
Well the mother of all carnivals started off with a bang. This year was our first time in Bliss having played with Tribe and Fantasy before. Costume collection was a breeze so we had high hopes for the on the road experience.
Now pay attention because you will get some Carnival best practice tips. Firstly, we arrived at our usual parking spot in QRC (always park here, cost is TT$60) a little after 11am. We would have gotten there earlier but my departure from home was delayed by a sudden bathroom situation that helped me avoid an on-road emergency.
How about as soon as we parked and left QRC, part of my shoe started to unstick. It was kind of early to have to make a critical carnival decision, walk back five minutes to the car to change or continue in the compromised footwear....but I chose the latter. I mean, as long as I didn't chip or wine the shoe should be fine. Right? Spoiler alert, it was fine.
After much struggle with the "Find the band" feature of the Xperience App we were able to locate the band heading west on Tragarete Road outside the Oval. We entered from by the pee-pee truck and went straight to the bar which was fully stocked with Tanqueray so allyuh know I was happy.
Now fellas, I vex I have to say this, but take the time to do some manscaping. Carnival is a time to shave under your arms, your legs, your chest, and back including the "tramp stamp" area. You don't want to end up like a few fellas we saw, looking like a mixture between Teen Wolf and a Yeti. Had one fella so hairy I almost asked him if that sweater came in a V-Neck.
The band went through St James, down to Mucurapo Road and then down to Ariapita Avenue. The DJ made it a point to tell us we were approaching the stage at Adam Smith Square and that we needed to display maximum energy. I mean, I don't know why he thought playing the Nailah and Skinny would aid that cause but whatever. I jump up like a man high on Elmer's glue. Come Home 1 - 0 Hard Fete.
As we continued down the Avenue the DJ informed us that the band was going to turn off the music when it turned up Colville Street (the street with Lapeyrouse Cemetery). I reasoned that maybe there was an old person's home or the neighbors won some kind of judgment against the Carnival people but the reason was far more ridiculous-er. Apparently the loud music was disturbing a swarm of bees that was stinging people, I kid you not! I wasn't surprised though, I mean everyone knows bees don't like soca, they prefer Afro-beats.
In any case, we decided to leave the band and cut through Woodbrook to get to the rest stop at the Queen's Park Oval early. Now, I am ashamed at certain people's (the wife) miscreant behavior but while we were passing through another band's rest stop some blankets may have been pilfered. Although there was a vagrant sleeping on one of their blankets and he didn't care about any band on his hand.
The band arrived at the Oval almost 2 hours after we did. When they got there it was like a herd of walkers from The Walking Dead. People were coming through the gate in droves looking tired, hungry and a little undead if you ask me. Some were smelling undead too but that's another story.
The rest stop at the Oval was excellent. There were huge tents with blankets spread out as if they were expecting us. There were lots of food stations with so many choices I got confused. I completely forgot the cardinal rule for lunch in the band, always, always, always choose the lasagna (beef, chicken, veggie, scarlet ibis, whatever). I took a risk and got the fish with rice and peas and let's just say I now question my life choices.
For most of the day we were following truck #1, which was playing the most current music. However, right after lunch, truck number 1 started playing a load of number 2. It was the same culprits as in Soca Brunch. When they played Bunji's "Jumbo Jet" and Mr. Killa's "Party Bad" my people had to stop me from climbing the truck to start sharing out slaps like I feeding yard fowl.
Somewhere around the police barracks I took the decision to engage in a one man protest. I decided that for the rest of Carnival, I'm not going to dance or chip to anything other than 2023 soca. While I was cursing Assassin or whoever that bearded red man was, I noticed Nailah performing her big tune on truck number 2.
Say what you want about Nailah's voice, and God knows I do, but that smallie bam bam on point. In fact I would use my Amazon account to order Nailah buttocks on Prime. Padna, for a split second I forgot that her voice sounds like a Pterodactyl in heat.
On that note, we decided somewhere around the Jamaat on Mucurapo Road that it was time to call it a night. Thus began the long trek back to QRC which was made even longer due to a pit stop for fried crap on the road.
Carnival Tuesday is setup to be even more bumsee-rific. The protest will continue but I may waiver depending on who comes to hit me a jam...after all...I am a man.
TANA