Army Fete 2024
Watch meh...Army Fete started to malfunction from the jump. Gates were supposed to open at 9pm but for our Army 2100 hrs is actually 2237 hrs (10:37pm). I hope they don't carry this level of precision and punctuality to actual combat.
During the wait we took the opportunity to visit the free Carnival Village (freeness without the obligatory "eenis") in the Savannah and to engage in some crowd watching. A huge part of the Army Fete experience is watching the characters in the crowd.
Apart from the usual "fashionistas" in their "unique" green jersey that said "Army", we saw quite a few people in netted tops with all their nipples showing....and das just the fellas. Ladies of all shapes and sizes were out in their numbers rocking outfits that are usually reserved for much smaller humans. Thank God for spandex. There was one lady sporting a gold bedazzled captain's hat looking like Capt Bizarrely from Tiger Sharks. Another smallee had on a crochet swimsuit...like she rocking she granny doily
By the time we got in it was 2300 hrs and as we got past security some soldiers were already ejecting a man from the fete. I feel he tell them about the condition of the toilets. Them toilets make me feel to leave my bladder in the car.
I'm not going to waste allyuh time describing the fete layout. Army has never been known for its decor. There was a stage, a bar, a section of tents serving all manner of artery clogging fried food and Campari flags everywhere.
The performances started with the Queen of Bacchanal. I don't know who spoke to her but she was great. It was tune after tune, banger after banger. Destra even mentioned to the band to keep playing the music or "they" will say she talking too much, I feel is me she was dey with inno.
I gave her an extra forward when she brought out Yung Bredda. If you see Destra advantageous behavior, QOB was hitting that macaroni stick of a youth with that epic bambam. I shout out "watch out Bredda....she go damage yuh bro!" Thankfully he emerged unscathed with his bladder in tact (IYKYK).
Like every year whoever plans Army Fete sits and tries to figure out how to mess up a good thing. Like them and Pantrinbago going competition. This year they split the crowd into general admission, a cooler section, VIP and SIG (specially invited guests). Fay-Ann ask if this fete is a Maths problem, how much section it have. Imagine you buy a cooler ticket only to find out when you get in they section you off behind a fence like yard fowl. I expected Army to throw handfuls of corn on the ground fuh dem.
The performances continued with the A-Team band. Viking Ding Dong come out in a black hefty garbage bag looking outfit like he trying to make weight for a fight.
Yung Bredda gave us an encore, this time singing with DJ Hotty. I went mad when my boy Pimpin run on with he teddy bear backpack...he look like he going to meet Tempa for a sleep over.
The Bredda bring on Nishard M to sing their hit "Hard Pong" which is basically my carnival mantra....."take hard pong in yuh waist gyal, hard pong in yuh waist gyal".
The rest of the lineup included artistes like Farmer Nappy, GBM Nutron, Allison Hinds and Rupee...lolol nah nah not even Imhotep could resurrect Rupee music. The boss Waddicks mash up the crowd with his important social message to beat rum not gyal. I guess if rum is yuh gyal then yuh in a predicament.
Nailah and Lyrikal hit the stage with their tune Come Home part 2. The tune wicked eh but is only so much of my best self I could take.
I get on like one ole jammette when Nadia Batson come on to serenade meh. Then in two twos she was gone. I was pissed that Destra get to sing about 50 songs but Nadia basically get to sing 3. Because of the late start it felt like they cut people's time to give Bunji time for a full set. The rest of the performers were Olatunji, Patrice Roberts, Mical Teja, Preedy.
The word on the street is that whichever new tune mashes up Army Fete goes on to win Road March. If that is the case then Bunji's Carnival Contract gone ah lead. Hear nah, I know allyuh feel I doh like Fay-Ann but it's not that inno. I does feel bipolar listening to her and Bunji. When Bunji hype up the crowd Fay-Ann would jump in and bring the vibes back down. To be fair Fay-Ann is a star in her own right and her hits always moves the crowd. I feel they should book them together but let them perform separately. Bunji hit we a vintage session with tunes from when fete was in PSA and Fire Fete and Licensing Fete was the flick.
Watch meh...somebody need to talk to whoever commanding the battalion of soldiers patrolling the fete. Yuh can't be tapping people with baton in they waist saying "clear" and watching we in we eye like "do something nah". Them young recruits look like they was just itching to apply the rod of correction to patrons. One even kick away we ghetto cooler (ice bag, 2 club soda, and a plastic bottle with gin in a pile on d ground)...I real lucky I was sober inno.
All in all Army Fete was great, despite the early challenges. The crowd seemed smaller than previous years. All the vibes were in the front two thirds of the fete, the back third might as well had watch it online. If yuh miss Army Fete then you ain't serious about this fete life nah. I would have appreciated a lil explanation for the lateness eh but them have gun and vest nah so I wouldn't press the issue too much.
TANA