TANA's Fete Rankings 2024

Well bai another fete season is a wrap. Many many of you, ok...some of you...ok a few of you asked for a ranking of the fetes for the season. Now I said to myself "self, you need some scientific way to approach this or these people go come for yuh and you go have to break your rule about not telling people bout how dey mammy make dem".

So I developed a ranking system (modelled in Microsoft excel) that would use predetermined criteria and a weighting system to produce an objective ranking which, I should be able to justify based on my experiences and you could validate based on my reviews which you should have read.

See what you can accomplish when yuh head not full of Gin and tequila and preoccupied with jamming bumpers.

Right, so the criteria below are based on the things that I consider important in a fete. You might have other criteria and if so then ride out and go do your own ranking.

1. Parking - PINKnicTT was pure unadulterated failure in this department.

2. Food Options - because vegetarians and vegans are people too. We doh just eat carbs and cardboard.

3. Food Service - because if the lines ridiculous like PINKnicTT then it doh matter that you was giving people proper wrap roti with paratha the size of a Dame Lorraine's bloomers).

4. Drink Options - if you call yourself a premium all-inclusive and I have to be hunting for gin like in Fete Royal then what you really telling yourself?

5. Bar Service - because again if you have the best drinks but only 4 bartenders for 5,000 people then you might as well just give us all Campari on entry.

6. Value for money - because a $1500 All-inclusive with no vibes and a $275 cooler fete with Nadia serenading me is two completely different kettle of fish.

7. Layout /Decor - because gyal like they pretty pics and man like gyal (mostly).

8. Vibes - because who wants to leave their house to end up around a setta sour stoosh people who just want to pose and make Instagram stories and doh bless nobody with a hard coccyx bone on a zipper.

Right, to be clear all of these are weighted differently based on my view of importance. No I not sharing the weights because, why would I? And finally the fetes below are the ones I attended. I don't do hearsay, I don't want you to feel you have to tell me I miss this one or that one. If I wasn't dey I not saying nudding bout it.

So the results:

Top All-inclusives:

1. Fete Royal

2. Soca Brunch

3. Fete With The Saints (surprised there ent, yeah me too....this ranking system is garbage!!!)

Top Cooler Fete:

1. TTMF Staff Cooler Fete

2. Army Fete

3. LIME Easy

Most Vibes:

1. MAD J'Ouvert

2. TTMF Staff Cooler Fete

3. PINKnicTT

Overall Rankings:

1. MAD J'Ouvert

2. TTMF Staff Cooler Fete

3. Fete Royal (QRC)

4. Soca Brunch

5. Fete With The Saints (CIC)

6. Army Fete

7. PINKnicTT

8. Crunch Brunch All-inclusive

9. LIME Easy

10. Undercover Cooler Fete

11. Farm House Cooler Fete

Looking at them rankings I may have to institute some kind of relegation system where the bottom 2-3 fetes fall off and new ones get a tryout. I eh know, lemme know what allyuh think.

Ok, good....now come at me in the comments but come with receipts eh.

TANA