ARMY FETE 2025
Last night was Army Fete, the last remaining big flag, grounds man, grassroots and the most value for money fete for the Carnival. We got there promptly at 10pm and street parking was a breeze. We knew we were on time because shortly after we pulled up they played the national anthem and it was off to the races.
Yuh see why I should never listen to allyuh Loggers. Allyuh convinced me against my better judgment that my "friend" wicked camo joggers wasn't a good idea but from the time you entered the Savannah it was camo like rain...more camo than the Army's missing ammo. I see camo jersey, dress, skirt, leggings, joggers, jeans, short pants, cap, panty, fishnets....let me just say spandex is the unsung hero of the Carnival. The things I see Spandex support last night it need a raise, it need to get time and a half on a public holiday type pay.
Ok so by now allyuh know Army is a no frills fete. There were two big bars on either side of the stage with a decent range of options. The food was fried nonsense but it saved we life at 4am soaking up all that Gordon's, the best gin after Hendrick's (looking for a lil brand ambassador wuk). At one point the male toilet was anywhere in the general area behind the porta potty bec as usual them gal take theirs and ours.
Hear nah, am I the only one that didnt know Traffik was still around? Kill me dead when we heard them from the entrance it was Dil-E-Nadan. Speaking of the dead, I swear Eddie Charles read from the Book of the Dead because when I see Shurwayne Winchester run on the stage I was like what manner of sorcery is this?? Shurwayne shell down the fete though...the man juggle flag, jump down in the crowd...he tell people wave yuh flag, rag, kerchief, towel, wig, weave...and the place went mad. Big man ting....I apologize for bad mouthing you Imhotep sorry I mean Shurwayne, it was great to see you.
Some promo girls came by with a bucket of Magnum Tonic Wine and as I was about to take it the misses asked if I knew what it was, I replied with supreme confidence "of course, gun oil". She reminded me of what happened to me when I drank the Rude Boy at TTMB. I said true, I'll drink it before we head home (wink wink).
We went with some friends living abroad, the country of Brooklyn, one of whom is a Jamaican. Yardie had the time of he life. He make friends with a next Brooklyn crew that had a man that whole night giving my wife a high-five and trying to interlock fingers and ting. I was like soldier...she doh even hold hands with ME in public.
As usual Army had almost all the performers in the soca universe except the soca empress, Queen Nadia of House Batson who was probably resting her voice for her concert Artform tonight. There was the A Team Band, MX Prime, Lil Natty and Thunda (fellas make meh lose my voice), Waddicks, even Teddy-thon John was dey but talked waaaay too many. Conspicuously absent was KES but I've seen him so many times I feel I could do his set.
Watch meh, somebody need to tell Shal to do more cardio because at one point the man was clutching for he Lfe Alert necklace. He had to slow down his songs to a ballard to catch his breath. Shal need to train with Ding Dong cause Dong know how to pace himself.
Army was only the second fete for the season where I saw Patrice perform. Patsy performance was top notch as usual but she had a lil wardrobe malfunction and it wasn't the fact that she came out in a yellow outfit with what looked like a chicken strapped to her back. I'm not sure if she had a flashlight in her underwear or she was just happy to see us but there was an unfortunate bulge at the front of her tights that gave new meaning to her song..."I is a big girl now".
Nailah came on the stage looking very nice and fit with abs and ting...I could definitely see the appeal visually....but her singing makes me wish I lost my hearing. I took the opportunity to go walk about the fete and by the time I got back the Water Lord was on stage.
My new bestie Iwer came on with a case of water, the 250 ml size of course. The boss was pelting bottles into the crowd like Jumbo (RIP). He said he didn't have much to share but I was like what you talking about, youz water Jesus...one case go wet the masses.
Lady Lava, the self anointed Queen of the Freaks came on to a heroes welcome. Hear nah, she real rude with she thick self inno. I real like she vibe and she "Ring" song but the rest...they sound like one big 20 min tune with 57 verses.
There was also Ding Dong, Blaka Dan, the Brooklyn Machel Lyrikal, Yung Bredda and Voice. Squeezy Ranking sang his big tune for what seemed like the longest 3 mins of my life. All the while I'm thinking how a man go win Young King and have a TTARP card? Squeezy hadda be bout 65.
As usual Bunji destroyed Army. I was returning from an ill-timed bathroom break when the boss was launching into Carry It. However, after years of football and plyometric training I was able to hurdle coolers, side step ice bags, dodge a thick gal crew and reach my spot in time to sing along from the second verse.
That bathroom break was a scene. I stand up there liming with two bredren when a young lady came up and asked one of the bruddas if he was single and before he could answer she asked if his woman was at the fete. When he said no she immediately handed him her phone to input his number. Ladies, dais how yuh does shoot yuh shot!
At one point Fay-Ann called for medics to respond quickly to the front. I'm sure some cacahole thought it was to resuscitate the vibes she kept choking-out after Bunji worked so hard to build up. But not me though. Bunji love she, I love Bunji, so I love her too. Love is lovely.
By the time Machel came on it was after 3 am and like people were tired so there was a steady exodus. Machel performance was decent but Bunji definitely get a bigger forward....it also didn’t help that every 5 mins Machel was plugging his show in QRC...which I hope to attend.
Army Fete was so off the chain a brudda who living in foreign paid $600 at 2am to go in the VIP. The boss say he "win dem" though, he apparently drank a bottle of rum in 2 hours. Knowing the miscreant I ain't doubt him at all.
All in all Army Fete scored a respectable "3.95 - Great" on the TL Fete Ranking system, placing it 5th in the Fete Table. If you not going Army Fete you ain't serious about this Cyanival ting nah.
TANA